In 2011, 10 Spanish women announced together that each of them was marrying themselves. This unusual act, which apparently started as a joke, was a rebellion against traditional marriage.
However, in fact, these women discovered something from this process, which has already started a worldwide movement called ‘solo gamy’.
Traditional marriage is no longer an important life goal for every woman. Rather, women who believe in ‘sologamy’ express their intention to love themselves before loving others.
But is this way of expressing self-love a little too strange, or is it a new and surprising twist on an old story?
Maya is happily married for 11 years. He is married to himself, meaning his spouse is none other than himself.
When she attended a ceremony to renew her marriage bond, she said, ‘On the occasion of the wedding, I vowed that I would listen to my inner voice and ask myself every day what I need. need to fulfill it.’
Maya’s words were applauded by other women present at the event.
It’s quite likely that you’ve never heard the term ‘solo gaming’. In Spain, the word is not officially part of the language even though the word originated there.
However, the practice of self-marriage is becoming popular in many countries of the world, including Japan, America, India, Italy and the United Kingdom.
Maya from Spain has helped 70 women follow in her footsteps since 2011.
However, in most countries there is no law on self-marriage. So why do so many women still do it?
“I did it as a joke,” says May Serrano. Until the wedding day, my aim was only to start a public debate on romantic love.
“But on the day we married ourselves, we realized we were going to do something important. I thought I loved myself, I was my best friend, and in that moment and in that moment I promised myself in front of hundreds of people that I would take care of myself and put myself first. I will think.’
Neuster Bijosa is a gender expert. He says that regardless of gender discrimination, it is important for each person to respect their individual self.
She says that ‘men are taught to value themselves, so why should caste be an obstacle for a woman.’
A woman thinks that it is not necessary to love herself.
“Learning to love yourself is important, because it helps us determine our place in the world,” says psychologist Esperanka Boschfeul.
“Another important thing is that it helps us judge who deserves our love and who doesn’t.” Whom and how do we love? This practice is changing. Spain still has the majority of couples tied to traditional marriages, but a look at the statistics reveals an important point.
And the point is that now there are fewer marriages than before, but on the other hand, the divorce rate has increased.
But the case of women like Junkal who married twice is different. The first time from a man (husband) and the second time from himself. “I decided to marry myself because at that time our youngest daughter was born and I suddenly realized that I had no time and space for myself in my life,” she says.
“I had become the mother of Peru and Meren from Jinkal.”
“When she expressed her intention to marry herself, at first I felt strange and I was surprised,” says Junkel’s husband Sergio.
However, he says, “If she doesn’t love herself and she’s not satisfied with herself, it would affect me, our children and everyone involved in her life.”
“That’s what I realized.”
“It should be remembered that there was a time when a woman had to be married in a church to have a bank account, to drive a car,” says Neuster Bajosa.
A lot has changed in the last few decades. Despite this, the traditional family is the most important pillar of the society which is considered natural.
Psychologist Esperanka Boschfeull says that to a large extent, the traditional marriage relationship is a prison for the woman.
The first reason is that all our life we are told that getting married is the main goal of our life. Statistics prove that after marriage it has been the responsibility of women to take care of household chores, children, elderly and sick.
In 2010, women spent two hours more on housework than men, according to Spanish government data.
Will sologamy change these statistics? Neoter Bejosa believes that sologamy is not a solution but a symptom of a patriarchal society.
However, one thing is definitely changing.
For the first time in its 300-year history, in 2018, the Royal Spanish Academy introduced a word into the language for women who share similar experiences and interests. This word is ‘sorority’.
“When we women get together, it’s like we’re standing in front of a mirror,” says Maya.
“The idea that women are rivals is a product of a patriarchal society that wants the important to not be united.”
But in reality it is completely the opposite. When we are united, we are stronger.’
In 2017, Maya founded an organization of women who swim together. At its inception, the organization had 14 members. Today their number is 140.
Experts working on women’s rights say that such methods help women to achieve their rights.
“There is a movement that tells us to love ourselves, that we need to love ourselves more than others,” says Maya.
“But people ask how can we do that?”
“It’s the little things that make you feel like you’re taking care of yourself.”
Sometimes it’s hard to do this because people don’t understand and accuse us of being selfish, says Junkel.
“But the truth is, after marrying myself, my relationship with my husband and children has improved.” Maya says, “I feel good when I look in the mirror.” I have fulfilled the promise I made to myself 11 years ago and I still stand by it. I am sure I will be happy.