“Remembering song lyrics, remembering singers, actors or movie names, rules of games, these are things that children usually memorize, but I couldn’t remember them all.”
“No matter how unsuccessful a person is in life, no one likes to be called a liar or disrespected for those things that seem so easy to see, but a good-looking person is unable to do.”
You must have come across many people who can’t concentrate on work despite being explained, forget things frequently, can’t set their priorities, miss deadlines, get bored easily. And that’s why they have to listen to harsh words from parents or teachers.
These symptoms, which are usually ignored, indicate a mental condition which is medically known as ‘ADHD’ (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and 35-year-old Adeel has also been affected by it since childhood.
Adeel told us about his childhood that he never sat still and asked questions a lot, but remembering was a problem.
‘My not being able to sit still, not focus, and asking too many questions made my eldest sister suspect that there was something wrong with me. He also felt that if there is any fight or argument in the house, I completely zone out.
“Sitting for more than 10 minutes does not work”
Before knowing more challenges of Adeel, here are the problems faced by parents whose children are diagnosed with ‘ADHD’.
Ishrat’s (pseudonym) daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of six.
“My daughter was three years old when she started showing symptoms. I had an idea that it was something different from my other children, then I did my own research and later the doctor confirmed that my daughter has symptoms of ADHD.
Sitting for five, seven, ten minutes more than that does not work. You have to move around, you have to come and go, you have to have a fixed diet. Don’t try new things.
Spelling mistakes in writing, getting frustrated when faced with a sudden situation, shouting, making noise, losing sense of big and small and making up stories like I have a tiger in my bag. So I realized that there was a problem.
“I contacted my daughter’s school and they also said that she is having some problems compared to other children in the class, she can’t sit, she can’t pay attention.”
Ishrat was told by the doctors that the mental age of children affected by ADHD is less than their physical age, that is, if the child is eight years old, his mental age will be six years, so to deal with him accordingly. It is necessary.
Sometimes it works cleanly, sometimes it makes very dirty copies. Will not put a full stop, will forget to work. At this age, the child learns these things, but if he is not able to remember, then this is part of this condition. ‘
Symptoms of ADHD: Inattention and repeating mistakes
To understand ADHD, we spoke to psychologist Tahira Javed, who explained that ADHD is a ‘neurodevelopmental issue’ (specific changes in brain networks) that is very common in children.
“Children with ADHD are born with inattention and lack of focus,” she says. Such children are very active, careless and do things in which they do not even realize the danger.
Dr. Tahira explained in simple words that the brain of the affected person in ADHD is fine, but the network that sends signals in it starts to be different or somewhat weak due to which the messages are not delivered correctly and the affected person Performance starts to suffer.
At the age of three to seven years, its symptoms are very obvious. Especially when there is a change in their environment such as when a child starts going to school or meets people from different backgrounds.
According to him, it is mostly diagnosed under the age of 12. It is rare to be diagnosed after this age. Their ability to focus on their work or their surroundings is greatly affected.
“The more busy such people are, the calmer they will be”
According to psychologist Tahira Javed, sufferers make mistakes in very small things:
Such children’s attention wanders all the time, unable to focus on any one thing.
Repeating the same mistake over and over again
Interrupts frequently during conversation
Talk a lot
They run around all the time, they don’t sit in one place even in class and if they sit, they keep moving.
They get angry at once
They get upset and even fight or even get beaten up
They make rash decisions and get bored quickly
Working on time is a challenge for them. A task that one should finish in one hour may take four hours.
Psychologist Tahira Javed gave an example and said that ‘as children nowadays have a lot of screen time in which they sit for hours, unlike them, these children cannot sit still.’
Psychiatrist Tahira Javed says that ‘in this state of mind, medicine definitely works to a certain extent, but most of them require therapy.’
According to him, it is important to make some changes in the lifestyle of the affected people: ‘Exercise, engage in sports activities or manage their routine.’
According to Tahira Javed, ‘The more busy such people are, the calmer they will be.’
“I do not remember the incident on which there is repetition.”
Suffering from ADHD, Adeel is now married and takes both medication and therapy to improve his life. However, many people do not understand their difficulties.
“After marriage, just as there is usually an argument between the husband and wife about something, and which in normal circumstances are resolved through discussion, then I found out that the incident that is being repeated, I remember. Does not stay.’
According to Adeel, ‘And it happened so many times that I finally got fed up with how many times I could be wrong or forget and why I don’t remember the event or thing the way the other partner does. ‘
The same difficulties Adeel and other victims like him continue to face in their professional lives.
“As much as I have scolded and cursed myself for the simplest of things, why can’t I do something so simple that even a child can do, it breaks me.”
“When people around me explain something and I try to answer or explain in my own way, if they think my answer is a lie or an excuse, I don’t think anything can break them from the inside.”
Adeel says that if he has to do six tasks in a day, which one should be the first task, when should he start. They cannot set priorities and have no regard for time.
I don’t think I can explain to anyone how I have to focus and if I can’t focus it’s not that I’m ignoring. To remove the label from myself that I’m not lazy but I don’t understand how to do things and where to start.
“Partner must understand for better relationship”
So what should the affected person’s partner take care of in married life?
In response, Tahira Javed said that the problem with ADHD is that they are facing many difficulties in their social relationships. “To understand these people, the partner should also be fully informed and understand when and how to deal with them.”
The first problem in a relationship is that your partner can’t listen to you. He cuts you off repeatedly. Can’t hear you properly. He often forgets how things happened.
She says that due to her disorder, when such people cannot pay attention to others’ words or instructions, other people or partners have to play an active role for them all the time.
According to him, ‘when he doesn’t remember what was told to him, the marital relationship starts to suffer from here.’
“I read as much as I can and I leave the rest to Allah”
It’s not that children with ADHD are less skilled, but parents and family members have to manage them carefully, an example of which is Ishrat.
Ishrat received a lot of help from the school for her daughter’s mental condition, but after her research, she took steps to keep her daughter calm.
“There is a lot of noise in my house and people speak loudly, so I stopped this habit because it was stressing the girl.” ‘
In view of her daughter’s condition, Ishrat initially reduced her syllabus by 50% in school. Teaching a girl child is a big challenge for them.
I have to work very hard while teaching him because when I teach other children, while teaching them, there is a direction, there is time, there is a method, but he has his own method.
“If he has exams the next day, he has to sleep in the evening. He doesn’t care that I have exams, I have to study.” But I don’t tease him, but wake him up early in the morning and read as much as I can and leave the rest to Allah.
When she gets frustrated with something, she has to quit studying. And if she doesn’t get 80/90 percentile marks, no problem. He has many good skills and has really surprised me many times.
On our part, we are trying but if he is not in the mood for something, the whole world will be doing it, he will not have to do it even if you do something. Then it gets better by itself, this is my experience.
Despite this mental condition, my daughter is social, she gets along with people but if she gets angry, she doesn’t care. However, it has never happened that he has ever embarrassed in any place.
On the other hand, at the age of maturity, Adeel is now trying to manage his mental state. When we asked him how he would explain ADHD, he gave an example like this.
“The feeling of ADHD is like having many TVs ‘on’ all around, including the ceiling, in a large room, all with different channels at full volume. So when I read this, I felt that my way of thinking is also similar.
And at the end, concluding his speech, he said, ‘I remember that when the doctor confirmed ADHD, I thought two things. How many undiagnosed children are scolded by parents and teachers for their behavior and face disrespect from childhood.